The introduction
I am a self-professed "nice guy".
I say my pleases and thank yous. I hold doors open for other people. I hold the lift when I see someone coming in. I smile to the cashiers and cleaners.
But I've also done some terrible things. Hurt other people's feelings. Toyed with their emotions. Manipulated people so that I could get my way. Betrayed the trust of friends and lovers.
It's bad enough when someone does these to other people. But when it's a "nice guy" that does it, it's so much worst because nobody expects it.
I'm not saying this like I'm proud of it. More like a self-reflection and internalization of why I'm such a sorry excuse of a human being.
2018 has not been a good year for me. My worst traits surfaced and I find myself unable to rein them back in.
Because of how complicated and screwed up my life story is, I don't really have an outlet to express myself. Hence, the blog.
Little by little, I'll share my personal stories. The reasons behind the things I do. The events that lead to the choices I made. The lies I tell myself to justify my actions. The thoughts and feelings I had when I was confronted.
I do not seek your sympathy for I know I will receive none.
I hope to use this as a way to start fresh, a clean slate, an improved me.
To fix myself. My evil broken heart.
I say my pleases and thank yous. I hold doors open for other people. I hold the lift when I see someone coming in. I smile to the cashiers and cleaners.
But I've also done some terrible things. Hurt other people's feelings. Toyed with their emotions. Manipulated people so that I could get my way. Betrayed the trust of friends and lovers.
It's bad enough when someone does these to other people. But when it's a "nice guy" that does it, it's so much worst because nobody expects it.
I'm not saying this like I'm proud of it. More like a self-reflection and internalization of why I'm such a sorry excuse of a human being.
2018 has not been a good year for me. My worst traits surfaced and I find myself unable to rein them back in.
Because of how complicated and screwed up my life story is, I don't really have an outlet to express myself. Hence, the blog.
Little by little, I'll share my personal stories. The reasons behind the things I do. The events that lead to the choices I made. The lies I tell myself to justify my actions. The thoughts and feelings I had when I was confronted.
I do not seek your sympathy for I know I will receive none.
I hope to use this as a way to start fresh, a clean slate, an improved me.
To fix myself. My evil broken heart.
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