History repeats itself

 "Once a cheater, always a cheater". You hear this all the time. It's always lingering at the back of my mind. It's something that I try to not let it define me.

Whenever I hear this phrase, I get internally defensive. Trying not to be associated with it even though my history shows otherwise. But I've always thought that's in the past, I won't allow myself to do it again.

But alas. 

History repeats itself. 

Moments of insignificant pleasure risking a lifetime of happiness and joy and inflicting permanent pain onto a person I love...

I fucked up.

Why do I do this? Why do I keep doing this? 

It is purely illogical for me to have done what I have done. I know damn well that it was wrong, that it would betray the person I love and it would hurt him most. 

Yet I did it anyway... Pushing the thought far off my mind in the act.

I've hurt you and risked your health. If I could turn back time, I would. If I could take your pain away, I would.

I am sorry. I am truly sorry. From the bottom of my wretched heart.